95th.

I'm miserable.

I try not to show it, to you especially.

but it's different.

I was reading through your blog posts,

and your old posts when you werent sure, and when you were afraid , and when you were sad. Those are what it is with me now.

All your old, sad blog posts are now all my feelings that I want to share, but I don't.

but you're happy.

and i dont want to drag you down with me.

last night was one example .

we spoke a few lines on msn.

not enough, for me at least :(

then we were going to message eachother, and i know you probably have a reason, but in the end, i messaged you, but didn't get a reply.

I know im stupid. but...

your blog:

i don’t know how many times i can say the same thing.
again, i’ve been an idiot and made things worse.
you have no idea how much you mean to me, how much it hurts not to be with you for so long.
but i can see the change, subtle as it may be, and i hate it.
our long conversations are gone, whether by your fault or mine.
the i love yous are gone, my fault entirely.
you, the one thing that keeps me going, seem to be slowly slipping away.
i’m sorry if i’m putting too much pressure on you,
but i can’t keep living like this indefinitely.
either you like me or you don’t.
and if you don’t, please tell me.
so then i can at least pretend to get over you.
and you can get on with your life.

that, is pretty much what i feel like to me now.

the only difference, the 'i love yous ' are still there.

but i dont know how much yours mean.

i swear, i love you .

but please tell me if you don't.

because as you said,

'either you like me or you don’t.

and if you don’t, please tell me.

so then i can at least pretend to get over you.

and you can get on with your life.'

i love you.

have fun at the beach. :(

xx